it's been awhile

well...just been wondering...abt smthg. heh. things have changed. can u imagine? 2 months of holidays have changed so many pple. yet two months of school keep pple in a routine. oh.....the highlight of last week is the fact tt i managed to get my timetable changed..hilarious story. lazy to type it. oh. this week finally went for french n psf. no negative pressure from ben to quit everything.ahahaa. tt boy exudes negativity on cca. wad an ass. "up your anus" ben!!!!! oh. so school's been treating me pretty well. and wnet for psf yest, fun as usual. compared to today's maths lecture overdose!!! fucking sian balls. ok. tmr is s&w!!!! im crazy. im actually looking forward to it. eeks!!! i realize tt in order not to get dismissed or fail any module this semester...i must become a mugger!!!!gosh..wont tt be the day! me a muggeR? hah. unbelievable. totally unbelievable. im at a lost for words. for once. how cool is cSI?? damn fucking cool. watching it now...yay! omg...today was an hour late for maths lect. my god. my lateness is getting from bad to worse. i wanna try and stop taking cabs...but how to? when i really cant help it!!!! i wake up early...but the fucking bus takes so damn fucking long. oh. sex in the city just popped into my head. thinking abt all the episodes i've watched. season 1,2,4. wow....ahaha. absolutely love it. riveting. everything is so....satisfying. not the sex. just the way the women r portrayed in this show. not the sex maniacal parts. the parts where...despite traumas and difficulties..they manage to overcome it all. so....good.good? excellente!!! i mean, first time a show was amde popular showing women in control, in power, in fact, dissing the men. i think i'll grow up to be a feminist one day. i mean...i dunno wad i mean. im all for women! woo-hoo. ladies rights' activist. okok. im ranting. gd nite then. back to my addiction. television.

revelling in a ditch
rivulet of tears
being abandoned
sense of forbading
overshadows this life
knowing that something
eventually....
...a secret
for me to hold.

after so long

wow....it's already a new year. and im feeling old. nah. feeling down. stupid me. just had to fail a model. now im stuck with unknown pple in a screwed up timetable. fuck. fuck it. stupid me. why me? why me. i know. coz it is me. being me is sucha pain. hah. the irony. im a conceited being who loves myself, but i also hate myself. shit happens. to me. always. well, shit leads to experience, which i neva lack. in certain areas. and tt seems to be failing. im a certified top-rate failure. hah. wad a title to hold. great proclaimation. sheesh. ok. i really really need to start anew. i tell myself tt since my psle year till now. rite up to o-levels and i still havent changed abit. i am the keeper of no promises, made for myself. ok..it's a new year.i shld be joyously trumpeting HAPPY New Year across my page...but....it's a grim new year for me. finding out tt i have been posted to my worst nightmare: a class fulla nerds. ok...it hasnt been confirmed on which class im in, but...i'll at least be joining nerds sometimes, besides lectures. nothing can turn back time. and "what-ifs" do not sympathise me, neither is it a solution. my only solution: to learn from my mistakes. as simple a task as it may seem, it ain't. ok. going to re-arrange my thoughts.