differences

too much for me to take in. yes, the woes of being a teenager whose parents control ur entire life. what can i saY? i have no say. i have to condone to their every wish.how i wish i could murder them both. my life is miserable when their invovled in it. i only hve $5.05 in my wallet, and it seems that that wld be wad i have to survive on for the week. i need to buy notes, get my ezlink caRd topped up and by dog food,hamster food, and watever.i've nev even asked them for money to go out with. heck. wad the fuck to they want from me? their demands are so high, my productivity is just insufficient. this may some lame, but there's just one of me, and two of them. money. i need it to eat, for trnsport..cant u just give me the transport money at least? if not wad...i got to walk to school?which is lyke a 1000 miles away from home. i just want to cry, but i know if i do, i wld neva stop. ok. i wld stop.wld be tired.no.crying would just be another incentive for my parent to blame me for smthg else. parents. mine dont give me a sense of security at all. in fact, that make me feel fucking insecure. after going through 18yrs of being dominated by the dragons of the east and west, i feel like screaming!!! all that pent up energy,anger,frustration,everything. it's driving me insane. god, i want them to leave me alone.but i dont wanna be standing alone in this battle. u know, i tell everyone that i dont want kids when im married(if i get married.),maybe it's coz, i just dont wanna be the parent that my parents are to me. i know it wld be hell for the child. i dont want anyone to lead such a, i dont know wad to make of it, life like mine. it's not healthy. putting up all the fake smiles, behaving as though im so fucking happy.but, being away from them uplifts my spirits some how. ok. now im victimizing myself once again. but i just feel that maybe there's someone(im sure there is) out there who share the same sentiments, though no one wld be as selfish as wad im gonna say next. when im old n outta here, im not gonna thank my family for anything. no. selfish,but wad can i saY?i know that im a selfish person.i can be generous most of the time, but deep in the ugly disfigured side of my heart, it's just all for me. it's who i am. who i am. who am i? really? oh well. i wldnt thank my parents, yes, tt may be a downfall, but all they wld do is finance my education, but i wld have to do everything else myself. they always think that things r easy for me, they think im goddamn smart, they so dont me. yes im too lazy to study, but im just not cut out to be their much-dreamed about straight A little girl.it just sickens me to think their perceptions overrides reality. bck to myself. all by myself. ok, so now whoever reading this knows wad a bitch i truly am inside. selfish bitch. that's me.