dawn of insanity

there is smthg so seriously wrong with me!!!! yeps...noticed i neva updated? ahaha. plus, nothing, no pictures, na-dah, naught, is showing up on my blogg. where's all the pics? insane. so much have occurred. oh..to anyone who pays attention...a new restaurant, rocks!!!!! called SECRET GARDEN. cool uniforms...cute waiter..ahahah..omg...but i think he's gay...so sad....damn damn damn. always sucha waste. anyone..im still vying for tt spot with hottie@lsct. ahaha. c.e. ooooh. rocks. god..im being so ultra bimbofide. ok. im insane. done and gone stupid things....keep on skipping everything.practicals, lectures,tutorials,french...god...even psf! wad's wrong with me? nothing. but,,,.....i can't afford to fail hysio bcoz of low attendance rate. god....tt wld lead to my demise from poly...no wait....from this planet. my mom would slaughter me..no..she's more likely to want me to suffer a long,slow n painful death. but i am showing vast improvements in my studies recently. managing well with maths..coping with chemistry...and utterly at a lost in microbio. god...im beginning to sound lyke one of those mugging nerdoholics...nose to the grindstone..need to study...*snort*snort*. gross. guess coz most of me mateys are slogging over prep for their A's...whilst im still a lowly first year..inferior...nah..not really. i realized tt in my blog i always seem to "victimize" myself. wad da fuck? im no victim. guess a ploy on words has its effects on me. ok...i feel bad for not going for psf tonite. could have gone. but....there wld always be buts. nvm...i'll make it up to them, but i fear reprimands loom near. oh well. becoming used to scoldings. my mom is so "helpful" in that sense. wow...she loves to "exploit" me. whenever i make a mistake in life...(mind you,the mistakes i make aren't as bad as she makes them out to be..bloody exaggerater.)...she wld blow it out of proportion, and tell her whole goddamn family..so whenever i see my aunty..etc..they wld all repirmand and nag and nag over and over on the same old thing. im dying. it is a slow death. inching. slowly. god help me. oh...he nevaaa does. fuck church! u hear tt!!!! FUCK THE STUPID FUCKING CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the fucking church-goers r hypocrites. asses. wad for be pious if you end up sinning right there in the house of god himself!!! ok. god n me don't really mix. wad sort of person am i? a hypocrite as well. joined a youth grp..hah...yet i know nuts abt the church. doesnt tt make me just lyke them? except they know all the holy-moley stuff, but r seemingly unaware of their evil. hahhaa. i can so preach against the church goers. great. im evil now. wad else am i? oh. evil. yeps. oooooohhhhhh......keeping my fingers crossed!!!! hoping that the movie "MONSTER" wont be R(A). god....really reallywanna catch tt movie. im already overly disappointed tt "irreversible" is R(A). silly. they think youngsters cant handle the gore,rape scenes or waDD? it's not a turn-on...but it's an experience. fuck it lar. ok....been freakin' thinking abt my future again. just talking to nicole today. wow...yes..9-5 jobs r convenient, easy, routine, mundane. a big bore. im really set on being a field specialist. god..sounds lyke i know a lot rite? but i dont. i only barely scraped through my exams, and i have such unrealistic goals with nothing backing it up. but i really wanna live on a farm, or in the wild. wanna be out there with the lions. zebras...jackals...driving a jeep on the savannah. terrific. my ideal job. wad for get a job tt pays well, if u hate it so?? i wanna have tt dream job, surrounded by wildlife, being with wildlife, living the wildlife. a sort of escapism from urbanization, i was born to love animals...and tt is wad i want to carry out. to be who i foresaw myself to be. confidence is one thing, academics another. ok. going to watch boston public!!!!!!! woo-hooo....!!!!!!!! tt show is lyke...fan-fucking-tastic!!!!