what is the word for unfortunate serendipity?

i forgot i had a blog. seriously. i think much has happened since the one eyed cat. chinese new year was not exactly a blast. when your family is in a semi-feud kinda thing, it means u collect less money, visit less houses, and jsut plain feel the intensity in the air. much has happened in such a short span of time that i feel that listing them all down here seems redundant. but i will anyway, or at least as far back as i can remember.

seeing my grandparents(maternal) over chinese new year has made me realize that no one's getting any younger. a few eyars back they had downsized themsleves into a one room flat as the location would be closer to most of their children, instead of living alone in telok blangah. yes, i am feeling a little guilty for not following my mom and siblings to go and visit them often, but it's not like i have a choice. i go out, i have schoolwork, and a thousand other excuses i can think up impromptuly. their wrinkled, feeble, she can't walk without aid from a walker, he can hardly feed himself. they quarrel as though they are both 5 and get jealous over simple things. it's insane seeing people u once revered so incapacitated. some of the relatives aren't giving them long to live. imean, being realistic here, unhealthy 89 and 87 year olds aren't exactly a picture of vibrancy, but to just pigeon hole them into target group for death is plain evil. though he has been telling my mom that his time is up. it's soon to end. i think they just wanna leave all their pain n suffering behind them. there are better places than earth you know. im not wishing death upon them either, but to see two people, who slogged and slaved for their children, only to find out that out of thirteen, only a handful are faithful, are grateful of them, is heartbreaking. sometimes i wish i would psend more time with them. but i have nothing to say. i dont know what to say. she gets more and more deaf day by day, and he is just losing touch with his motor skills. what's worse is that their minds are perfect, well almost, they can converse om current affairs, on food recipes, on basically anything that piques their interest, but physically, their slowing down. their slowing down at a rapid rate, if you get what i mean.

did i mention anything about money i collected this year? no? well, it's not a great improvement from last year, but decidedly more than expected. ever since the huge recession some five eyars ago, angpow money has been falling in digits drastically. if i could draw a chart, u can actually see the line falling steadily, in fact spiralling downwards - continuously. but this year it made a dive upwards, as people have begun to see that there is such a thing as twenty dollar angpows. just put two of those glorious red notes in, and voila! you can make a kid happy.

happy belated birthday alvin! we still owe you a present! but i cant afford to buy u a camera despite my good haul this chinese new year. ahhaa. and im still contemplating if i should upload pictures of the night, as well, everyone knows i was more than a little tipsy. the things i said and did dont mean a thing to me, ok??? dont go posting my crazy declarations everywhere, mr lee. anyhow, i think everyone had a right enjoyable time, didnt we? told you cocolatte would suck alvin, they totally played you out! hah! next birthday from B4 would be mine! where to next? zouk again? you decide, please dial 1800-party-at-where and vote now! please excuse my lameness, it is still the festive period.

im keeping too many secrets. dont get me wrong, i dont have many secrets of my own to hide, but just like to say that keeping secretss can be pretty burdensome. in fact, im mentally exhausted from being silent. if you think i'm talking about you, or you, or you or even you - think again. im not pinpointing anyone in particular. it's more like a collective group of people really. funny thing is, none of them know about the other. why should they? when their situations totally do not coincide with one another? am i spouting rubbish again? i think i may be. alas, gossip is my fuel for life. and i have been short on that for awhile. so long.