smell of scrubs and fear

Hospitals smell of death. They do. I’ve mentioned this before, I think. Bt today it was different. I felt fear. There was an old, as in really ancient looking lady bound to a mobile hospital bed. Literally tied down to it. She looked s frail and helpless, whilst the nurse cooed lovingly to her. I sat next to them, while awaiting my own doctor’s appointment.

And got the fright of my life.

The old lady suddenly jostled around in her bed, all her limbs kept stiffening, in an attempt to break free from her cushion prison. She began to speak in a gruff, sort of raspy voice, an it didn’t sound human. I don’t know what to make of this. On one hand, it might be the desperate plea of help, wanting to be free of her eternal suffering. Or, it may be a cry for another kind of help. I don’t know about all of you, but to me, she seemed a little possessed.

Yes, I’m not denying the fact that I believe in creatures from the nether world. Because, in reality they do exist, and in this case, seeing may not necessarily be the best way to convince a person to believe. Anyhow, I felt a pang of pity for the old sod. Seriously. Her legs would suddenly be up in the air, as though something was suing her as a puppet. Her muscles were all taut, though the nurse kept throwing a blanket over her, she manage to kick it off, and she even managed to use her head to fling the pillow on the floor several times.

Being typically Singaporean, everyone just stared in awe, as though the nurse and the old lady were a movie clip or something along those lines. Sitting next to them, I tried my best to keep my focus on my storybook. After awhile, she seemed to calm down again, so I took a sneak peek at the patient. Oh my, she looked really weak, and I don’t know, I just don’t wanna end up like her.

Alone and going crazy in a hospital, with only strangers to care for her.

I don’t wanna be like that.

But it scares me, since I think I’m having a wave of relapse. Relapsing of what you may ask? In case some of you don’t know, yes especially to alert Alvin and ben that I do not have some cheebye yeast infection, or breast cancer!!! Just because us girls go for check-ups doesn’t mean we’re going for mammograms!!! I’ve never even been for one before! Anyhow, shan’t digress, can go on forever. My knees have began to hurt again, so ben ho!!! stop hitting them, coz they really hurt. And I’ll fucking kick u in the balls. Ok. Shan’t say anything more about myself.

At the hospital, there was also another elderly woman, think not as ancient as the first, but she looked like a French bulldog. Really!!! So cute, her cheeks were little droopy, and she ha the enthusiasm of a puppy, despite sitting in a wheelchair.

But looking at all the people around me in that vicinity, I feel sad. I don’t wanna live to a ripe old age. What’s the point? When the only benefit you get is to experience a little more than your dead peers. With what I’m suffering from, things would not be as sweet as it is for me now. In fact, down the road, it may get worse. Hopefully they don’t. it’s just stupid how one person can be cured of asthma, but come down with an illness like this. Absolutely stupid. And this thing changed my life. I’m so upset with it. If not for this incurable thing, I wouldn’t be where and what I am today. I would still be at those jazz and ballet dance lessons. I would be at such an incredibly high grade, I wouldn’t need to study. Now all I can do is gyrate. Hah. Oh well, life is never sweet for long. We need a dash of bitter from time to time. I’m so tired now. Lethargy kills me. Gotta go try banging down some pedestrians again. Yay.