sick`

i think i am sick. feeling all melancholy. no lar. listening to stoically unsound songs right now. i dont wanna go to school anymore. i wasnt born to study. *sigh* i just wanna hang around and wait for telly programmes to start.

ok, just read the "scholars' choice" section in the papers. every year i read this. and every year i sayto myself, i want to get that AVA scholarship, but my results are never good enough. yea. wtf lar. anyhow, think i have to give up on ambition. sometimes, ambition is jsut meant to be an ambition, it shouldn't be attained in reality. why? coz when things go awry after that, life would jsut fall to pieces. so at least, when a goal is unsurmountable, at least i can live through life being a little more happy. i dont know what im ranting about. oh, changing direction. i think after acquiring this stupid diploma in biotech, i dont wanna pursue a science career anymore. i was so stupid to want it all this while. damn dumb. if im able to, i would wanna pick up a simple journalism course in university, and well, branch out into wildlife articles. the closest i would ever get to science. but looking at the world now, my standard of english is so darn poor, im not much competition for anyone 'cept maybe some pri sch kids. always feel so down when poly exams draw near, but why shld anyone care? they al know they'll pass, poly is suppsoed to be easy, a breeze to most. grrr. whatever. im resigned at the fact that i will never get what i want. stop thinking that being optimistic will eventually bring home the medal, coz it doesnt. i think i should get started on my maths or smthg now. yes.

im so fulla shite.

**hope u A-level receipients did well, and if u didn't, well, u'll get placed somewhere evetually. there's a place for everyone.