eluding the real me

aqualung - jethro tull
the bravery - out of line
baha men - best years of our lives
micheal buble & nelly furtado - quando quando quando
rogue wave - endless shovel


Sunday, November 28, 2004

it's fugly

yes it is. i dont know, i was looking for my seahorse picutres(you know why) and than, *poof*, this site pops up, and so, being a tad bored, and curious, i clicked on it. and a detailed drawing of a woman's vaginal region was shown, ok, that's not so bad, bcoz we've seen this in our textbooks in secondary school. than. it said click on the other one for an upclose, so i stupidly triggered that harmless button, and *KABOOM*, the page exploded into hideous beige. gross. who would have thought our dear 'girl' down there would look so hideous?

so i shall rant about our gross 'girlfriend'. our intimate mate. oh my god, i thought i was fugly, i cant begin to imagine my alter ego down south. to think humans talk about it as though they were the national treasures, but their just plain unsightly. no wonder there's a bush there, to leave it hidden. ok, as i repeated countless times before, i dont watch/indulge in porn and nudity whatever, so i obviously have never seen 'it' upclose before. my god. my eyes are burning now. ouch! help me! how can guy's get turned on by this? eew eew eew. dont think im being bimbotic here, but take a look for yourself! im warning you. becareful. ensure no one's around before u click on the link. WARNING: VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. http://www.clitical.com/anatomy/closeup2.php

so? how is it? are u gonna have nightmares for the next 3 days or so? because i think i would have nightmares of a giant clitoris clamping me in it's squishy jaws of disgusting doom. *puke*. oh my god, my hair is standing on end, at the thought of what is adjoined to my body, part of me. ok, i cant digest the photo, it's way too much. i cant believe im still harping on it, but i have to. it's repulsive. i think i mentioned before how unappealing the human genitals were, but it fell upon deaf ears. no one seems to share the same sentiments. that's alright. at least im forthright in coming up with my own conclusion: the repulsiveness of the genitals is the reason why pple mostly have sex in the dark. and is also why the bush is there. now we all know the importance of the bush. wow. revelation. ok, i shall stop here.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

bangkok blast

bAngkok. when you first set your eyes on the city skyline, you'll see buildings sprouting out from the dirty streets and congested highways. traffic is a killer, and you wouldn't want to be so close to the road anyway, as it's really smogged. but overall, despite the grime and dirt, it's a pretty interesting place.

accoModAtion. originally, my mom planned for us to stay at the pathumwan princess hotel, you know, jointly connected to MBK, but we ended up at the asia hotel, dubbed as the 'singaporean residence' due to the vast amounts of singaporeans staying there. yea, didnt stay at p. princess, because we needed two rooms, and my mom only managed to get one, so we moved to asia. anyhow, asia was 10 times more convenient as the skytrain station was connected to the hotel via a linkway on the 2nd floor. excellent. oh, the hotel was really really cozy,my bro and i shared a room, whilst my bratty sister bunked in with my parents. hahaha, bro and i had a ball of a time, playing with our new stuff that we bought every night, eating dunkin' donuts, ordering room service, playing air guitars and rocking away to mtv. ahahhaa. insane. good location, i really wanna go back there.

fOod. before leaving for thailand, i was dubious about my survival there. it was the and of tom yum and chilli padis. my mother's haven. she's the chilli queen, dousing all her food with the burning fruit. oh well. they had more than tom yum there. good thing is, my parents knew about fantastic locations to get great local delights, delicious hawker food, all the best eatables available. weird dish we had there? ok, not exotic at all, but it was definitely generous in portion. fried rice with crabmeat. crabs! there was more crabmeat than fried egg in the concoction. yummy. even managed to sample their local fastfood there. yum. i was like totally intrigued with it. and macdonalds? whoa, impressive, S$7++ for a meal for 3 of us, yea, my stupid sister insisted on having macs for supper one night. you know, i imagined with all the running around we had to do in bangkok, that i would be able to lose some weight, but NO way! hahaha. think i put on 10 times more. heck, i look at myself now, and am able to see the roundness develop in hippopotamus.

h0m0SeXual centRaL. i'm serious. really, bangkok is the hub, make it international destination for GLBT. and we were 'fortunate' to arrive at the appropriate timing. yes, the 2nd night of our stay(or was it 3rd?) we went to silom road area, and were caught in the middle of the national gay parade. it was a less gaudy mardi gras. actually, it was like a normal parade of normal people, just thta guys held hands, and girls made-out with each other. and well, trannies, you couldnt tell if the people were guys or girls. not only because of the parade, but i think thailand should be renamed 'gayland'. the guys look like girls, the girls(butch) look like guys, and well, it just a public diplay of homosexual affection. even the ang mohs that were there could openly exercise their homosexual rights there. high society rich thais were homosexual, and even those in the chatuchak market were as well. interesting. and it is true. the trannies are definitely more beautiful than the real ladies. how would i know? my parents took my bro and i to the cabaret show in our hotel, calypso cabaret, with real women. and they also brought us to the little clubs along silom road, with the 'ladies'. omg. riveting. rivetingly gross. for one, i dont watch porn, the closest thing i watch to porn is wadever they show on tv. so this was an eye opener. these performers flexing their tight assses, prancing around, twirling around the poles, dancing. omg. i was just stupefied. well, i guess you would need to be there and see these kinda things for urself, no use describing. and yes, i do have madd parents.

sHoppinG. wow. that's all i can say. i shopped quite alot. as usual, i will buy useless pretty stuff, but i got clothes and what-nots as well. im only angry with the fact that my brother bought 3 pairs of shoes, wheni wanted to buy 2 of those pairs for myself. wad an ass. i ended up with no new shoes and no new sweater because he just snapped them out from under me. fucker. but my momma promised to give me ka-ching to get a sweater from back home. yeppers. as long as this jacket/sweater is below $100 she'll give in. yay! oooh, and i bought panties, yay! tons of colourful panties. my dream come true. ahahaha. yes, i was sad when mom threw away my coloured undies a couple of years back, but now they've been replaced ten-fold. pun intended. ooh, my mom bought back so much sotong thingys and these delish rice cracker thingys that filled up an entire luggage bag. as in, huge luggage bag,hard-cased, heavy crap. haha. loved the shopping, need to go back there, especially to chatuchak(the weekend market) to satisfy all my buying needs. oh yea, read the newspapers they provided and read an article on the king and his dog, and it tempted me to buy the book. it's a cartoon book on the lifestory of the king's favorite dog. i loved it. such an adorabl true story.

aNimaLs. how could you go to a country and not see any live ones? i managed to catch sightings of coutnless dogs, their held in high regard there, due to the fact that the king treats his with utmost respect as well. ok, brought the digicam with us, and finally i was trusted it. but alas! there was a big 'low batt' warning when i switched it on, and didnt manage to take any photos. trust my assholific bro to not charge it, and dang-it dad to not bring an extra batt or smthg. sheesh. anyhow, several store owners didnt allow photography. and trying to force myself from not buying any of the animals was the greatest temptation of all. my parents told me not to touch any of the animals, but being the disobedient kid, i touched virtually all the animals that i came across. saw puppies that were superbly adorable, they even had pitbull puppies. omg. so cute. bulldog!!!!lovethose. and a litter of fuzzy golden retreiver puppies. one of them kept sticking it's paw out,allowing me to shake it. then came the rodents. bunnies,hamsters,guinea pigs. their cuteness is personified by the environment they were in. like a fenced-in pen. oh! and there were squirrels, which seemed to be pretty common among the locales. i managed to pat one of them, but most were a tad restless. and i felt pity for them as they were seated above their cage, with tiny handcuffs locking their leg to the cage top. saddening. as i moved deeper into the pet section of chatuchak, i came across exotic animals. several water snakes,pythons, boa constrictors. there were gibbons and marmosets, several other primate species. birds, tons of birds, i dont really know the breeds, but i saw a cage full of young vultures. it was jsut so intrigueing. and cruel. i didnt get the chance to venture further to see even more animals, maybe even wild ones like tigers and the likes. you know, i vowed that when i go back there again, i wanna visit the wildaid centre, where they strategise wildlife conservation and the eradication of poaching in the region. i saw this on animal planet, and it was also mentioned on NGC.

cHurch. yes. sorry for this add-in, but i forgot about it. my overly pious father insisted that we go to church. and we had a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea. hah. the earlier mass was in thai, the later one in korean. what would you pick? me - neither. but we ended up going for the earlier one in thai, despite my protests that it would be a waste of precious time, that i wanted to eat more breakfast or any other reasons i could come up with to avoid god in thailand. ahah. but it was an experience. the priests were german, and a couple of polish chaps. all really old, but friendly, and they spoke english, as well as thai. funny thing is, they spoke english with a thick polish or german accent, but when they conducted mass in thai, if u closed your eyes and listened, they had perfect diction, sounding like a native. ooooh, the church was non-aircon but it was wondrous. st john bosco stained glass was depicted on the high-ceilinged walls, the stained glass was the olden type, not the gross bland new ones we see nowadays(like the one in my church). it was intricately done, and i was just in awe of it, spending the entire time just gazing at one panel after another. the church could sit about a thousand people, but only a mere 200 were there, and about 10% were foreigners. really nice place, glad my dad pushed us to go. shall see church in a different light from now on, oh, there was an ancient lady sitting on the opposite pew who was reading a mandarin bible, but she seemed to understand thai, i was confused by this predicament.

lanGuage baRrier. yeps, most definitely a critical factor. i cant believed i looked that over as well, think i was too tired last nite. shall just add it in here. apparently, tons of thais mistook me for a thai as well, and they spoke to me in their native language. all i could do was either smile, nod, say 'huh?', or go 'english please'. but one thing did work to my advantage, they gave me cheaper rates at the bargain areas. maybe i should just learn a little thai before my next trip back there. seriously, they seemed to be disbelived that i was a foreigner. well, if i really was thai, i must be the fattest one there, coz i swear, no matter how fattening their food was, they're all skinny binnys. true, next time take a good look for yourself.

aiRplane. the ride home was the most turbulent i have ever experienced.

ok, enough about bangkok. the day i left, i had gone to the spca earlier on with steph and alvin. had a great time there, getting trapped in the cattery, clawed by some kittens, nibbled by several dogs, and scratched by one in particular. now this festering wound(ok, im exaggerating, but it was bloody) is a yellow crust. gross.

oh, and this. fuck it. im stuck with perl programming. wtf lar. i dont even know how to use visual basic, and im stuck with perl? all u bastards out there who got excel, fuck your mothers' chee byes! i dont even know how to use excel, so cant u at least give me a chance! cheebye. fuckit. stupid holiday prevented me from accessing a computer at my time of enrolment. so cheesed off by this IS shites. oh, and ive decided not to change my timetable. so i will be scheduled to take acmb next sem, and skip my elective. sad but true. oh well. maybe it might allow me to graduate on time, or go for attachment as well. but i'll only be sharing one class with my original class. heck lar. damnit. anyhow, guess seeing such a jumbled timetable might just work out for me. i now have more time to enrol for driving lessons, and also have a lot of 'alone' time in school, which might make for a good study session, if organized properly. ahha. ok, getting woozie, lack of sleep, and exhausted from holidaying. sounds insane? but it's factual.

Friday, November 19, 2004


did i mention how unlucky i was at the dirving center? well u see, we're supposed to be the special batch, the 'virgin' batch to take the computerised test for basic theory, and guess what? the system breaks down. so we're forced to take the booklet test, and the results would only be made available in 2 weeks time, through the mail. that totally sucks. oh well, crossing my fingers and hope i pass, though i've spotted various mistakes already..oh god..only entitled to getting 5 wrong, tops.

ok, i miss my darlingest poochie, star. sent her to trina's house and will only pick her up next wednesday. she's been quiet, and good. only problem is the toilet. apparently she sleeps in the place where their dog pees, and she pees in the place snowy(trina's dog) sleeps. crazy star. and she's bald again, with a nice new hairdo. foxy face cut, and a swishy tail, with naked body. ahaha. i've been going to visit her there everyday since i put her there on tuesday, and im missing her like crazy. oh well, there would be much to do overseas, so just hope she's finedy dandy.

i've got so much to type about, but right now im having an exciting conversation about dog adoption with alvin. omg, im insane. animal nuts. shall blog when i come back next week.

Monday, November 15, 2004


save them!!!!
copyright my ass

browsed through the conservation degrees, and there's really cool attachments, more like field placement, u study from ur place of work, and the orang utan conservation project in sumatra rocks, so those a care center for distressed/orphaned/abused animals in africa. shites. their all good. man, must work hard....must suffer here for just a while longer......grrrrrrrrrr.

university changes

yes, i have revamped my ideas completely. i was looking forward at being a prospective student at texas a&m, but the results im getting wont exactly take me even half way there. yes. so i looked at somewhere nearby, somewhere that allows low-calibre scores to get in - and there were none. damnit. none tt's internationally recognized that is. my dad mentioned murdoch in perth, australia, but i would neeed to collect a minimum of 48 credit points for my core modules by the end of my diploma!!! holy fuck lar! i think i barely scraped up 10!!!! fuckadoodles. i have my life so fucking well-aligned for myself, but i dont seem to be veering towards that place i want to go to. fuck myself for screwing up. so should i strive to work harder? and reach for the impossible of 48pts? or just fucking screw this diploma, scrape through the next 2 yrs, than restart life all over again in some college with a buncha 17- and 18-yr olds. damnit.

so this is my current plan, and i hope it works out as predicted *cross fingers tautly*. continue with poly, heck, i've been hanging around for a little over a year, might as well slogg it out for another two, and try my best, have no regrets. it's been a while since we all quoted from william hung, havent we? well, gonna aim for the stars, yeps, well, my stars is kinda getting Bs and Cs, As arent really possible, or are they? ok, if i dont make it into any uni with my less than average scores, than i already planned with my dad do go to a college or foundation or whatevr shit they have out there in the world. ok, than finally get accepted into a veterinary science degree course, yay! but i shant stop there. dont think me odd for wanting to study for almost half my life, but i wanna reach my ultimatum. am i mad? once again im doubting my sanity. the surreal world i live in, is where my academic goals lie. after graduating in vet. sci, plan to go for post grad. studies in conservation medicine, wildlife, zoology, maybe herpetology. wow wow wow. whatever. all talk and no action makes for a shitloada bullcrap.

***http://doodie.com/ - i forgot that i used to get a kick out of this website, and used to frequet it daily back in sec1. heh, there would be a diff toon everyday. god, the good ole' days.

oh yea, selamat hari raya adilfitri to all you muslims out there!!! love ya all! do let me taste some of the delectable goodies u all made! i will definitely give them the thumbs up! i can smell them from here!!!!!

Friday, November 12, 2004


below is my wondrously amazing october exam results. no, i dont wanna gloat about my less-than-average achievements, but look! i didnt fail anything, for once! and im elated, despite grabbing a cupful of C's and D's in the process. just satisfied with passing, ok? so from here on forth, i shall slowly work my way up the ladder. my goal for my diploma is to get at least 2 A's in the core module section, right now i have zero.

no "F"s for me
copyright my ass

why should i be shy about my results? everyone knows i;ve been failing, so here, before you all start asking if i failed anything once again, i took the initiative and pasted it here for public viewing. excellent. ok, so i'm off to go do something productive. if you consider lounging around, reading a storybook or flipping through animal-oriented encyclopedia as productive.

Thursday, November 11, 2004


no, don't be filthy-minded people. it's 'Middlesex' by Jeffrey Eugenides. just purchased it today, and it rocks. can't wait to complete it. hey, a story about a hermaphodite, how shitty does that sound? not one bit, it's a pulitzer prize winning book, and i only realized that after i bought it, and saw the pulitzer stamp on the cover. guess im pretty blind. oh yea. the gay guy at the counter tole me it was *puts on arty-farty posh accent* 'wonderful book, i read it. it's excellent. enjoy!'. teehee. i was quite pleased it was a good read, i finally have enough cash to buy 'angels and demons' by dan brown, yet it seems to be sold out. all u fuckers who just discovered dan brown, to hell with u. i eyed that book way before i thought about davinci code. damnit. well, this read is just as good, or maybe better. oh, alvin and i have very different perspectives on good readings. ahahhaa. ask him about it, let him enlighten you. it's hilarious. i had to offer to go to information and ask them where i can find the prequel to some *insert genre here* book he wanted, well, you wouldnt exactly expect a guy to be interested in that sort of book you see. ahahahhahaa. hilarity of it. ok alvin, sorry i fell asleep!!! my fucking brother never wake me up. fuck balls. ok, going to go huddle up in a dusty corner of my room and read away. yay!!!

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
copyright my ass

before i go, remember the frogs? well, just my luck. woke up early this morning and dr. brady barr, renowned herpetologist, was on NGC. what did he explore todaY? the wonders of being able to train crocs, moniter lizards and *drumroll please*....FROGS! and guess what? they showed the exact same frogs i have posted below! yay! elation...yay! it was intrigueing, training them to listen to whistles and such, so that it would be easier to give check ups, instead of wrestling or forcing these creatures into cages, as both parties might get hurt in the process. omg, training frogs was the hardest, coz their literally pea-brained. but, wow! wow! and then 'wild island' followed that show. they showed the daily happenings at the singapore zoo. can you believe the zoo only has one skunk? and it's because the police confiscated it from a flat. well, i really want exotic animals,, but im not insane to pick a skunk. oooh, and i didnt know slow loris were native to singapore, and people actually catch them and send them to the zoo. how cute. one of them was dropped off anonymously in a pink dustbin looking basket, and the person threw a banana in, probably thinking it was a monkey. they are such docile creatures, though they are primates, their more closely associated with the other genre of primates, the sloth family. ok, shall go update my personal research file. now i wanna scout around for a slow loris of my own. they were so gentle when the vet was handling them, i was impressed. for a wild creature, it was timid. and didnt struggle one bit. okok. shall stop boring everyone with my shite. going to read.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

of seahorses and frogs

either this seahorse....
copyright my ass

....or this one.
copyright my ass

i need a sanity check. yes, i want another tattoo. been pondering again. seahorse!!! seahorse!!!! actually what really want is a frog, but...erm, it's little wonky righT? these past few days at home, i've been glued to animal planet/NGC/discovery channel, and i've been learning about frogs. plus, i'm being a major geek here, but i've been researching on them too. here's the animals i've been researching on: frogs(in general, and mainly those in the south american region, because many of them are endangered there.), horseshoe crabs, several snakes and mammals. im insane i know. looks like my veterinary ambitions, i slowly leaning from domestic and equine/bovine animals, to wild ones. oh, about the seahorse, yea, im not one for sadistic looking things. i love colours! yay! plus i need cash. seahorse or frog? i havent found any nice frogs, but at least i found no less than 90 seahorses, and i liked these two best. yay!


ehehehe. but it's true. frogs. their so adorable? i've been collecting photos of several of them, will show you some pretty ones now! here they are:

Lehmann's Frog from mainland south america
copyright my ass

Blue Poison Frog from south america
copyright my ass

Dendrobates Ventrimaculatus from south america
has a cousin called dendrobates tinctorius, that is black-blue-yellow
copyright my ass

Yellow-headed Poison Frog from south america
copyright my ass

these photographs of the frogs are so beautiful. really in awe of the photographers who managed to capture them in such stances. there are even several who caught them in mid-air, mid-jump. but those were mainly green tree frogs and several toads. oh my god. fetish for frogs anyone? now, when i crave for frogs' legs(yes, that dish wets my appetite man!) i will think twice about it, ok not really, since those are farm-bred and in abundance frogs. oh well. going to thailand, and maybe, if mom will allow, sneak back some rare frogs? but how do i keep them moist onboard a plane without leaving them in a drinking cup or bottle? hehehe. *ponder*.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

is that me?

i awoke with a pounding in my head. oh how it hurt, felt like a thousand buffaloes had trampled over my head. where was i? looking around, the place seemed unfamiliar. and here i was, slumped on the lushly carpeted floor. wait a minute. my memory was slowly coming back to me. i was in the plaza hotel, in new york city. what the hell was i doing here? trying to sit myself upright, a shocking revelation dawned upon me. what in holy hell was going on? i know i'm fat, but my belly was the size of 3 bowling balls combined! oh my god! was i pregnant? yes i was! i am pregnant! i didnt have the energy to brace myself up, nor did i have any clue who the father was, or how i got preganant overnight, and made my way from singapore to new york in wht seemed like a blink of an eye, but here i was. stranded. and alone. before i could make room for any more thoughts, a searing pain slashed across my belly. no way, this was not happening. i never wanted children, i vowed never to have these brats. omg. the pain was unbearable. worse than being struck by forty-seven bolts of lightning(not that i've ever been struck by lightning.). whatever slight movement i made caused intense pain. there was only one tactic left. i had to make a phonecall, and i could see the cord dangling down from the dresser top. ok, remembering some exercises i saw way back when, i lay on my back, and wiggled towards the dresser, commando-style. my mind blocked out the pain when i felt a wetness in my pants, just as i reached my destination. this could not be happening, some one pinch me! i twisted the flesh on my arm as hard as i could, and knew this was real when i screamed out in agony, due to the self-torture. trying to look over at my pants, the bloody stomach blocked my view, i could barely see my feet! propping myself against the side of the bed, i recoiled at what i saw. it looked like i had a massive peeing session right there on the carpet. the pink fibres had now been water-stained to a deep muave, and i felt embarrassed, despite being alone in the suite. oh my god! i was in a suite in 'the plaza' hotel? all by myself? on fifth avenue? since when did i become this rich, ever? i still couldnt believe that it wasnt a dream. great. contractions. they were coming in waves. huge tidal waves that is. the worse thing i've felt in my belly would be menstrual cramps, but those were ant bites as compared to these, this monstrosity. suddenly, something hit me, not literally, but in the mind. a string of numbers swam around in my head, not for 4D or toto, but i had managed to decipher it, and alas! it was a phone number. grabbing the cord, and tugging the phone onto the ground next to me, i punched in the numbers. (shan't reveal the numbers here, for confidentiality sake. actually, i cant remember them now.) anyhow, i had a hunch that this number would bring me help.

"hello? who is this?"

"what? who IS THIS?"

"is that you? is the baby ok? are you, conceiving?? like, right now? i'm on my way! paris is coming too!"


it was too late. the mystery male had hung up on me, and i was left with thoughts afloat. paris? was he in paris now? were we going to paris? who was paris? and, who is this guy? my husband? my boyfriend? well, as long as i knew help was on the way, things would be fine. i hope. the pain was slowly consuming my muddled brain, and i saw the room start to spin, the vintage chandelier on the ceiling seemed to rotate like a fan, closer and closer, and then everything faded to black.

"wake up. wake up now. the doctor's here. he's gonna help deliver the baby. don't worry."

my eyes opened ever so slightly. yellow. everywhere. pale skin, yellow hair, masses of yellow hair. who were these people? squinting my eyes, the room, and faces came into view. fuck no. i had the strongest urge in the world to burst out laughing, but i know that would cause my early demise, as laughing is not exactly the best medicine for a woman in labour. you would never guess who was right before my eyes. standing there, in the flesh, the person i love to condemn. a foreigner. a yankee. yes, he was american, and i think i managed to figure this whole sequence out. he is my bf/husband/father of my child. and i wanted to give a deep evil laugh. show him a menacing face, but he had so much love and genuine sincerity and tenderness in his, that i just had to close my eyes again. and when i opened them, there she was. my so-called best friend. things were falling into persepective now. she, with tousled yet flowy long blonde hair, and he, with a messy shag of gold, both looking down at me, on the huge fluffy bed.

"now, breathe in and out, like what you learnt at lamaze class. slowly. are you ready? because your baby sure is ready to pop outta there!" the doctor cracked a joke at the wrong time. all i could do was give a grunt of approval.

"hold on there baby, i'll be by your side, ok? relax. come on. push! push! i cant wait to see the little bugger!" he looked so excited, like a little boy. i couldnt help but smile. well, it seemed like a distorted sort of lopsided grin, the best i could do.

"hey girl, i'm here too, and dont mind the doctor and your boy, who else would be better than me? and we bought tons of stuff for you already. the cot, these cute little booties from baby Guess. it was supposed to be a surprise, but oh well, what the fuck, i'll just tell you now, to calm your nerves!"

she was the epitome of bimbo. but she was my closest pal. unbelievable. but im glad she was there holding my other hand. as i pushed like there's no tomorrow, i suddenyl felt at ease. hearing the first cries of my child, i felt a weird sense of pride. i hated the sound of babies crying, but to hear my own, it was a 'moment'.

"here you go new mother. you're the proud mom of a beautiful baby...let's see now..." the doctor, that bastard actually peeked under the towels to determine the gender of the baby. what a whack job. he helped deliver my baby, and he didnt know it's sex? "a beautiful baby girl! just wanted to make sure....what are you going to call her?" he beamed at me with a cheesy smile, before handing the bundle of controversial joy to me.

she was still crying, little arms outstretched, probably angry that she had been disturbed of her comfortable resting place in my snug womb. here, she has entered the world, to suffer, to experience love, lust, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, every emotion imaginable to man. to fuflil fate, to one day die. but she was mine, and i was glad. she looked so tender, so fragile, yet there was an aura of power surrounding her. she would grow up to be someone who could defend herself, not just physically, but she would use her wit to manipulate those around her.

"what are we going to call her? you decide, since she's going with my surname." he tickled her little nose. looking from him, to my little baby girl, i realized they had the same nose, the same fair hair, though hers were a shade or two darker, a rustic gold, almost bronze colour. anyhow, he loved her, and i was glad, though i didnt love him one bit.

"oh my god! that was like the grossest moment ever! but i'm so glad for you! now we've got someone to play dress-up with, and i can show her my whole wardrobe and stuff. oh my god! it would be so chic to go out with a fashion baby. i'm gonna do all the shopping for her,ok? please?" nothing could make me say no at this moment. i was overwhelmed with the fact that i had a child. me, a person who thought marriage as a last resort, and who vowed never to conceive, now has a little me to take care of. and here, my good friend, uncanny as it is, is so excited for me and herself. looking forward to the little adventures. well she had all the gold in the world anyway, rich bitch paris hilton. she could be the godmother, and pay for everything, talk about taking advantage of a situation.

"want me to sing you a song babe?" he had recovered from awe at staring at our daughter. nodding my head slightly, i agreed. i hated hearing his voice, but i wanted our child to love it. his over-expressive, almost nasal, acting oh-so-cool voice that millions the world over have been drawn to. i hated it. hated it to the downright core of the earth. it was painful to listen to, but i would allow it, this time, just for our baby girl. he started singing his song, i hoped it would be something meaningful, and it was.

"i stare at your face, into your eyes, outside there's so much passing us by......" the words swirled around in my mind, i was lost in the song. i so hated that voice, but the song was all i think about. "Who needs the world....when i got you..." oh, nick carter, i cant believe you fell for me, when i fell over laughing at you.

howdy-dowdy everybody. i have just narrated the 'nightmare' i had lst night. yes. ok, it was this morning, i was watching th aresenal-panathianikos match, then went to sleep. i guess i havent watched soccer in a long time, so the adrenaline rush from watching the match seeped into my dreams as well. oh my god. nick carter. backstreet boy. do you know how horrified i was when i saw his face in my dream? i didnt know why the fuck paris hilton was there, posing as my best friend? help me. im going nuts. ahahaha. to think i had such a overly wild imagination. ok, ive had wilder dreams, but i couldnt remember half of what went on in them. scary huh?

ok, presidential elections. being the avid television viewer that i am. i've been following up on the electoral votes. it seems as though bush might be winning. well, he had better, not that i like him much, but then hilary clinton would have a chance to run at the next elections, as a democrat. i'm really gung-ho for her to be the next, and first ever, female president. it would be cool for bill clinton to be the 'first gentleman', as how he was dubbed in the newpaper the other day. im sucha feminist. oh well. politics aint my cup of tea, just that it happens to be everywhere these days, on mtv, on oprah, on the news. grr.

oh, i have a sudden affinity for electrico, so much so that i think i wann goout and buy their album. oh my god. me, actually going out to by an album by asians? singaporeans for that matter? yes. because they dont sing cheena pia songs that bust your brains. hmmm...electrico, and well, maybe the pug jelly one. not sure if my brother has the pug jelly one, shall cheggit out.

dreams: try your best to remember them, be it vividly or not. they are a sign to what would happen next. or how best to make a decision in life. hah. pregnant. god, im still a virgin, why is it nick carter of all people?????? yucks.

***good luck for your O's and A's all you people out there. who shouldnt be online toread this, but what the heck.