eluding the real me

aqualung - jethro tull
the bravery - out of line
baha men - best years of our lives
micheal buble & nelly furtado - quando quando quando
rogue wave - endless shovel


Thursday, March 30, 2006

i wanna see these


that would be $7 x 12 = $84

*RENT, who wanna see with me? desperately. i read that it's gonna be uncensored, jsut praying that the rating is m18. motherfuckers better not make it R21. who wants to listen to the 2CD soundtrack? i got it! and have been faithfully listening to it. had it since last year. love love love. yea. listen to la vie boheme, seasons of love, light my candle. and the number by the tranny. the tranny rocks.

Sunday, March 19, 2006


i think im becoming a lush. almost. but i had better enjoy myself before the dreaded results, righto? i dont have any pictures from the post dnd at mos, andi dont think i want any of those pictures anyway. ahhaha. because i bet i look piss in it. had multitudes of fun with the people that i think i wont see anymore. hohum, i think i might miss them. hahahaha. mos made the lsct pple look less like dudderbumdiddlydogoodersquats. or maybe it was just the atmosphere. hah.

anyhooow, that was thurs. then came friday. how can i resist an invite to cleo bachelor's event? like hello! many thnaks to jappo and rudith for inviting trina and myself. big smiles pls. ahhaha. that was eventful let me post some pics.

oooh, and some pics from our free choclate bingeing!!! ahhaa. look at their faces of guilty pleasure. omg la. there was too much chocs to the brink of explosion. i think we even threw away an entire box.

so i had my fun. saturday was spent with annabelle, eunice and pork, mini-celeb for eunice's bday, which is today! happy bday eunice!!! hahahha.

shites, i cant be bothered to do my lit review, i lost morale on trudging to nus, i've given up hope on academics reallly. parents where just ranting on about how i go out too much, and how i had better acquire a diploma by this time next year. hmm, i dont think that's about to happen. plot plot plot. i need an alternative route. maybe im being overly paranoid again. but my luck has been shittles. rmb my spoilt ipod earphones? well now, my handphone is busted. the same handphone that had been salvaged previously from the washing machine, is now officially spoilt. the screen doesnt light up. it's perpetually living in darkness. only the noisy keypad lights up. which makes smsing and trying to return missed calls extremely difficult. i suck. the same day my handphone let me down, was also the same day i failed my driving once again. friday. that fucking dreaded friday. i was confident that i wld do better than the last time round. my warmup test was promising. the isntructor said just becareful about my speed, but everything seemed a-okay. i was set and ready to go. came to the waiting room. i saw some lenient testers were present today, so i prayed so hard for my name to be called third. i was called third, but fuck it, they started from the middle so i got stuck with a fucking tester called christopher ho. motherfucker. kept scolding me nonstop. without fail, even when i said hi to him he chided me for wasting time. later on, he cldnt stop reprimanding me for nothing in particular, to the point where i cracked. i cldnt take it anymore. i cldnt park because he distracted me, he fucking slammed the ebrakes and accused me of not stopping for a pedestrain when i was clearly 45metres away from thecrossing. fuck him. immeidate failure. im pissed. my luck sucks.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

luck begets me

once again, im stricken with holeinpocket syndrome. im totally cashless, no thanks to last minute driving lessons, which i hope would save my sorry ass and prevent me from failing friday's test. plus, i really need cash now. here's my sob story. left my bag on the table at the nus labs, some asshole girls throws it on the floor, to place her precious handbag there. lo and behold, a fat indian scientist dude doesnt see my spilt contents, and accidentally steps on my ipod earphone, left side. left!!!! the side that is pluggedto my ear most of the time, so that i can eavedrop on other's conversations in the bus or listen to the taxi uncles grumbling abt singapore politics. shit. left side. nvm. it only looked slightly cracked. but when i fiddled around with it, wondering why no sound was being produced, the earphone lid comes off, showing off a aluminium like brown foil inside. shit. it's totally busted. im depressed. i have no money to get even a pair of $5 earphones to replace these. so i readily plugged the right side into my ear, feeling awkward, and being irritated with pple in the bus who were making infantile noises.

plus, my ass hurt big time yesterday. taking bus 95 from nus to buona vista, than 105 from buona vista to braddel, taking 93 from braddel to ubi. my ass hurt rom all that sitting. at ubi, spent all the additional time sitting waiting to renew pdl, followed by a revision driving lesson. all just me sitting upon my fatass. my fatass was not the epitome of comfort, mind you. had my period, so was all oozey and padalicious. i was jsut waiting to reach home and rip my pad off.

i need money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***unbelievable. mom just told me she's gonna give me $100++ to compensate for my driving. ultimate yayness. this means i can afford to go out, but must still save on taxi fares. dang it.

ok. so much fun, good,bad,disbelieving,predictable events have ocurred over the course of one week, but im lazy to blog about it. hah. so be satisfied that my period has ended as of last night, after the driving lesson. im unlucky. rmb? dang it. and i bought pads jsut the day before, what a waste. this drought of luck is becoming tiresome.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


stayed home today. i know im supposed to be in school for some fyp talks, but what's the point really? anyhow, ive attended them before, dont make me waste my time sitting through them again. going off for some driving revision in the evening, i pray to god i pass my driving this time round. i need to. anyhow, stayed home to watch all the shows i missed out on. and came across one of those old school dollmakers. you know, where u accessorize them and custom their faces and all that crap. i was bored. made some nice nice guy! omg, i mean who the hell would wear a purple shirt with a green one? i wanted to put him in my dream shoes of purple and orange, but it didnt really match his already mismatched outfit. but they have purple and orange shoes. i love the maker. ahahhaha. anyhow, can click away at http://elouai.com/ i dont know how to make it a link, but who cares really.
off to watch somemore deeownerlowdodes. yes please.

Monday, March 06, 2006

pain and suffering reaps no reward

"happiness recedes from those who seek her"
tell me, what is so difficult in trying to find a little happiness in this short lifetime of ours? seriously think im suffering from this syndrome. my joys are all slowly slipping away. and i have no outlet, no form of release. i really do try to make the best out of my current situation, but i really dont know where to start cleaning up this mess. how can someone say that suffering will only lead us to some form of enlighten or something good to look forward to in the end? i dont see a point in exercising this self-tormentation any longer. my mind has been fending off some unknown entity within, causing such a stir, that i wish to silence them both.

anxiety lies within every man. it's my annual pre-result jitters. only this time, it's do or die - for real. and i have kinda lost all hope to regain entry into the school. it's just not for me. at all. thoughts of sending out emails to my lecturers have crossed my mind a million times today, to stoop so low as to beg/bribe them to let me stay on, despite my failing overall aggregate. but when it boils down to typing it out, it seems so wrong. why fight so hard to stay in something i fail to succeed in, and find totally burdensome?

it was the day one of my iap-fyp. and i think im a flop. majorly. everyone in the lab were socially ok, but on an intellectual level, i was way below average. as the guy explained the basic elements of the entire experiment, it was as though he threw me a conundrum and left me in the desert to die. i had no clue what linearized plasmids were, i had no clue of the process of pcr, i had no idea what sequencing was about. i think i landed myself into some pretty hot knee-deep soup. so fuck me now please. i deeply regret this decision. time can never be rewound, of that im sure, but oh how i wish it could be fast-forward to next year. where i would be happy, holding a diploma, like the rest of the normal poly students, to have finally achieved something higher than an o-level cert. but i cant. i can feel that uncertain throbbing in my heart, that im gonna get booted. call me paranoid, but i know when im going to fail, havent i guessed it correctly one time too many? predicting the outcome of two weeks study effort is no biggy, but trying to predict where i move on to next is killing me. im not that psychic.

it's not helping when your own intellect is turning against you, but when your own family is being hostile towards you for reasons unbeknown, it can get tiresome. if only i could just stayover somewhere for jsut one night. but i cant. reason being i've never really stayed over in anyone's house before. never atteneded a slumber party, never been allowed to sleep over just for fun. it's killing me, this strangling. i can cry and cry and yet no one seems to care, and even if someone does, i dont want them to. because no one knows what it's really like staying in this unhappy home. full of pretense. ive learnt that when your parents nag you, dont retaliate. but evidently, that doesnt work now. now im in a total no win situation. i didnt retaliate, didnt lash back at them, and i got a scolding for having no reaction to their reprimands. reprimands for what? for not doing anything. and this was the day after my exams. how nice. i realize that my parents may buy me more material items than my brother, but that's because i bother to ask them for it, while he just keeps quiet about it. but material items arent good enough. i want to be shown alittle respect. my brother has garnered that easily ever since his surprisingly good results. my sister is their angel, so there's no comparing to that. hah. im so sore with jealousy. because im like that. i just love whining about the unfairness in my life.

talking about luck, i had none today. firstly, after my shower in the wee hours of the morning, i had a searing pain in my ovarian region. really. fucking pain. i cldnt stand. i thought i was dying. ok, after awhile my dad found me some panadol substitute(as luck would hvae it, we didnt have a single panadol at home, for anything), and lo and behold, no pill cutter. so i had to resort to dangerously chopping it with a knife. the only good thing of the day was arriving in time to catch the 105. when we did(trina and i), it happened to be an extremely snail-slow driver. we were late. reaching buona vista. not a cab in sight,whe ntrina mentioned they were usually in abundance. the next bus took forever to come. next i arrived at the lab, not knowing ahything. i didnt understand the sciencey stuff. i took the wrong staircase down when it was headhome time, and had to walk back up again to take the lift. i squatted in a seedy concrete corner of the carpark to smoke, and realized it was infested with red ants. going home, the bus didnt come till i decided to sit down. the 2nd bus took forever to come. whatever. i cant recount my dozens of unfortunate incidents.