eluding the real me

aqualung - jethro tull
the bravery - out of line
baha men - best years of our lives
micheal buble & nelly furtado - quando quando quando
rogue wave - endless shovel


Wednesday, March 31, 2004

FRANTIC FRENZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! LESS THAN 24HOURS LEFT, AND I'VE ONLY GOT 3 SLIDES DONE FOR MY OCOMM!!!! SCREWED. HELP ME!!!!I HATE DOING THINGS LAST MINUTE, BUT I ALWAYS DO!!! DAMNIT. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE LYKE THIS ALL THE TIME? CRAZED. OK. just wanted some time away from the hectic ocomm work. phew...but..gotta get back to it!! bye!

Tuesday, March 30, 2004


just browsed arnd...and found out that fucking girl is using the same blogskin as i. damnit. fuckit. urgh. wad a night. i cant believe it!!! i thought i wld be the only crazy person to use a beyonce blogskin. i dont even lyke her all that much. fuckit. great. just great. why am i getting so uptight over smthg so trivial? i dont know. maybe it's just coz it's her that's using the same skin as me, not some stranger or some person who's my friend, though friends rarely use same blogskins. god, im dying. plus, my shock overtook my fingers and i just tagged her board. thnk god i didnt invest in a tagboard!!!!

something accomplished

ok...just sent out an enquiry to the Texas A&M University. im quite eager for them to reply. *cross fingers* hope they would satisfy my eager mind. ok, planning on studying there, so i had better do well in poly, if not then im pretty darned screwed. ok, shall send out several more of these "questionnaires" to the US unis. really wanna pursue my ambition!!!!! urgh. empty goals.

ok, ive been screwed twice over in 2 days. first was yesterday, when some pple screwed me over by so-called telling the lecturers that i wasnt there and that my attendance had been marked. then today, im greeted with an sms from the fucking class rep, that read:"where the fuck are you?" and snother that says "you will be debarred." thanks alot pple. now i truly believe that the only pple that i can trust, and who wld truly help are my ij pple. wad fuck to these poly idiots think their playing at? wanna screw me over, just do it to my face. tell me that you're gonna do it, dont shy away, and then change the story when you're telling it to me, pretending to be on my side. im a very confused person, but im not easily led on. so please, i lyke pple to be upfront with me. dont go changing this and twisting that, till it becomes some sympathy story. fuck all of you. i dont need to keep you all as friends. i got enough of those. you're all just acquaintances, just pple to fill that void that this poly leaves me in. im not very good at ignoring others, so that's why i dont hate pple for long. coz, i love conversation, i love laughter, on the outside it seems as though the world's a happy place, but inside im feeling real sulky. feel lyke whining, but i hate whiners. oh well, life aint always blissful. so all you suckers..just leave me be. dont need you to justify what i shld or shld not be doing.

ahhh.....feeling so darn satiated. had lasagne!!!!yea yea yea. mom's friend made it again,everythime she makes some, she wld send some to me as well. rocks!! the best. 10 times better than those stingy portions that they sell in restaurants and such.

ok.done for the night. just cant get the fact that my classmates are such dudders outta my head. so, gonna go get some sleep over these shitenings(lyke happenings, but shitified.) later on. moving on.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

one after another

yeps. shocking how i update pretty frequently these days. anyhow, went to church..and guess who i saW? everyone from my PY-P2 class....remember hilda hee? omg!!!i saw her!!!yea, after we drifted in like upper primary,when she got screened to a SAP school, and went to st nicks',she became this kinda stuck up bitch, and didnt wanna acknowledge our friendship.heck. but today, seeing her, i cldnt recognize her, but i so recognized her mom!!! her mom hasn't aged a day!!! so cool. but, as usual, ignored one another. maybe she forgot who i am. but i will always remember her as rena's best buddy on our early years. funny how a change in environment changes a person wholly. sad how once good friends can become strangers. oh well, the world is always changing, so i guess we gotta accept this as part and parcel of life. but it is sad to see someone u recognize,and yet, u know trying to rekindle the friendship would be impossible.or maybe not. i dont know how far this theory may be true, but, it goes smthg lyke this: " when we're all grown, and out in the workforce, we might be able to find those lost friends. thatis, if we hold a highly succesful or influential job, and earn the big bucks. yes. money and power wld bring old friends crawling bacl to you. " is is true? i have a feeling it is. but i can safely say that i wldnt undermine myself by inching my way back into the gd books of my enemies if they were so very rich. try to be happy with wad little we have. ok, not too little. enough for sustenance, lyke daily essentials:food,water,shelter, a little travelling and SHOPPING!! ahaha. im an ass.

omg..today is the most torturous day for me!!! im down with a hundred symptoms of everything. woke up in the morning and felt i had hundreds of lacerations in my throat(it can't be considered a sore throat,coz it really felt like scratches.ouch!),next came the incredibly watery runny-nose. *sniff*sniff*. then here it comes, the fever, and sneezes.whenever i sneezed,my throat wld hurt. but no one believed i had a sore throat,coz i didnt have a hoarse voice. fine! eventually mom believed me. right now, im having the most dizzying of headaches.and i havent a clue of why im staring at a computer screen,trying to decipher wad im typing,at the same time being irritated with the sound of the keyboard. urgh. and im the one typing. hence, im irritated with myself. shit. i dont think i can make it out of bed tmr. help. me.

im sick, but i hate going to the doctor's.so teachers..that is why i dont give u MCs. i hate going to the doctor, and if i do get forced to go..i dont take the medicine, coz it sucks. so why waste money,when u can self-medicate,by just sleeping at home? the only time i do go to the doctor's is to go for my checkups. appointments, dont have a choice. some of you wld know wad im talking abt.yes, i have an elderly disease. ahaha. had it since i was 5. or was it 6?well, doesnt make a difference. but im just glad that im normal.its not that severe, so hurrah! ok.i shall bid gd nite to all right now. wanna go attempt trying to do my ocomm stuff. gotta present on thurs!!!damn.im the first one. that sucks.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

this computer sucks.

yes it does. my stupid comp got hanged. hung. wadever. urgh. wanted to do ocomm presentation. i think i kinda regret choosing that lame topic. comedy-it's no laughing matter. really regret. damnit. ok. im not feeling very confident on this upcoming presentation. it's...too organized, too prepared. it wld make me sound so fake.so insincere. i wanna be myself. natural. alas, that wld not be the case. shucks. screw it.

ok. today, finally accomplished smthg. completed my iac project. went to some primary school in boonlay....it's so freaking far!!!! everyone cld wake up at like 7+ and still be early, but me? i wake up at 6.15 and still managed to be late!! it's so frustrating having to live so far away from this once unknown-to-me civilization. but, the boys's brigade boys are barts!!!!!oh wait, meant brats! but yes, some of them are the epitome of notoriety, like bart simpson!maybe worse. god, some of them, just ate away at my already diminishing patience. oh well, overall though, i think managed to accomplish smthg. and maybe my hardened heart has been softened, i kinda enjoy soem of the antics they were up to, the carefree life they lead, the harmless mischief they make. u know waD? maybe i'll tell hanyuan tht i wld lyke to help out at their camp or smthg. the only drawback? is that this sch is so freaking far!!!!!oh, another fascinating thing....ther sch has lyke a mini-aviary!!!!!!omg!!!!!!!so cool....envy all of them. all sorts of birds,chickens, ducks, pheasants, plovers even!!!!! i was so impressed. i jus wanna go back there. sucha bright and cheery environment. think it's a fairy new sch. there didnt seem to be any p5s or p6ers arnd. i think the sch was opened abt 4 yrs ago? the top level seemed to be the p4s. wow. so fun. omg..i am getting soft. plus..in the unbearably long train ride home, saw 3 cute babies/toddlers. omg omg omg!!!! help me!!!!im becoming a foolish bay-lover. *snap out of it*NOW!!!!

oh..finally got to eat prata in lyke ages....coz went to gardens and did some succesful studying with nicole at coffee bean. and there was this indian guy, maybe pakistani descent or smthg, and he was really loud, he had this chinese girl with him, and he was so damn loud, the whole cafe cld hear him cracking lame & crazy jokes. egs:"what did one camel say to all the rest? hey, i'm a camel","what did one bird say to the rest? let's get the flock outta here", and "what do u get when a pakistani and a chinese have children?a pekinese." omg..they were so lame..i cldnt help laughing. and then, we cldnt hear him say the front of one joke, and the place suddenyl went silent, and the silence was borken with him saying "...hump me." i wonder wad the joke was!!!! such an interesting evening friday was. oh yes, nicole reminded me of my bday. well, i dont have any plans. dont think i want to make any. all depends on my exam reslts really. if im gonna get dismissed or repeat anything again, how to i get into the swing of things again? but knowing me, my subdued moods arent always arnd for long. ive got more happiness lingering arnd me, then sadness. im ranting.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

early bird

alritey. it's so early, and im blogging. im dead beat bored. have to babysit my sister all by myself today..help me!!!urgh. just her and i. thank god she's at tuition now. dad's outta town,bro's at camp, mom's at work. aaaahhhhhh!!!!!dying at home. ah well, at least i can look forward to smallville and boston public tonight. school is starting to be sucha drag! oh..guess waD? got 73/100 for my physio..hurry and be proud of me everyone!!hah. the only subject i did well in. just awaiting the maths retest results now. quite anxious. wow..im becoming a jittery student. oooh...so exciting. heh. well, im determined to try and be a better student..hear that all u annoying teachers reading this...im trying.ok..im not.

heck, im much ado about nothing. nah, i've just got nothing to say today. omg. sucha dull life i lead. god, im watching this lame ass show,the mark lee as a gangster, 2nd time im watching it, superbly lame. so lame u wld need a wheelcahir ro walk aft watching it. but some antics do leave u tickled. okok. really wanna sign off. now. so flustered with myself, cant believe im at a lost for words. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok. shall plan my after exams holidays now then. wanna go for a short shopping spree holiday. go someplace with cheap shopping.for me airfare is not a problem,thanks to mother dearest,it's free plane ride to anywhere. but wherE? that's the issue. oh well, shall ponder about that. but i dont have anyone to go with. damnit. lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala. happy birthday to myself in 2months 3 days time. yea. im seriously bored. officially crapping now. good bye.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

it's been awhile

wow. it seems like forever since i last updated. god. ok, so today was my dear mei's bday, and i have to say, she's looking mughty fine.(yeps, as fine and healthier than any 70 yr old can be, hahaha.) not bad. wow, so honoured to be treated to kfc by her,haha. but had quite the tad of fun.yes, the bubble lifts at wisma...god, it just never crossed my mind.omg...can u imagine everyone looking up ur skirt?luckily i dont use the lifts there. so embarrassing.but interesting,how some short skirts are still able to hide the undergarments.oh god, sound like sucha perv. overall,pretty eventful day,met pple....phae & max, lee n her mom, and minyi claire teo...not bad. but im just so super exhausted. bleah. had a scrumptious dinner though. MMMMmmmm.....the aroma of meat, roastiing in an industrial oven in my aunty's home, slowly cooking...saliva drooling....yummmy!!!and the desserts...food glorious food. i tell you, i think i live for food, not food to live. hehe.

oh, had math re-test today. hmm...i think it might meet the same fate as the previous common test, maybe a little better, just hope i pass it, realling crossing my fingers. *cross* oh, learnt a new expression by overhearing adult conversation today... "don't get your panties knotted up over..."hahaa. it's gonna be my new advisory catch phrase. rocks. oh, and didnt expect to see so many pple at the maths retest. really shocking to lyke see who failed as well. hahaa. anyone reading this, ahaha, just f.y.i., had to endure abt an hour in a freaking freezing room with that loud-mouthed filthy-minded bitch in the same room, and sitting in the same row as her,thank god i was first to leave. can't stand her. gets on my nerves. ok..shall give a shout-out to her,

XIAO-FEI: ur a fucking chee-bye mouth bitch. talk so much cock, thought u were smarter than failing a stupid maths test. how do you mentor other pple when u cant even teach urself? ok, so irritated with ur stupid nonsensical comments. oh, that felt better, if i could, next time i hear rubbish spurting from ur mouth, i wld attempt to just go upfront n give u a piece of my mind. kns.

oooooh!...on to interesting news, ehehhee. stupid,had lunch at lido, so i ended up sitting with the 4 (bastardous) brudders.hehe. their all hum chee pengs i tell you. coz there was a stupid persistent sales lady going from table to table, trying to sell her wares, and they all wanted to run off. of course, me being the lady(ahhaha) i volunteered to reject that lady's offer. damnit, i should have asked them to place bets, could have won some $$$.ahahaha. so ching went off somewhere, then...ehehe.the lady came, fucker-bitch still dare to ask if anyone sitting next to me, fuck her, think im gonna let her sit nxt to me?not in a thousand yrs. so i just told her this " no thanks, no, no, no, no thanks...good bye. BYE!!" idiot, she finally got the hint,her false smile was wiped off her face, and she proceeded to the next unsuspecting victim. wad a low-life kinda job. is she in such desperation to acquire a job that she has to resort to selling imitation perfume to pple who are just trying to enjoy a decent meal? god. oh well, i wld rather be a taxi driver, or even a salesgirl at OG then to be a "travelling salesman". freakazoid. yes, i know that i have so much pride in me, but, fuck, so im a tad arrogant. heh. ye olde sayn's of "pride comeths before ye falls". heh.

oh yea, just realized, the church nite cycling thing is looong over, but i feel as if i dont owe my committment to them anymore.i guess, as i stop going for meetings, i feel more laidback, and more comfortable with my lifestyle. seriously,im kinda sick of being their item of ridicule. and it bores me to just sit there and listen to them ranting on and on and on about the same old things. like as though their stuck in the past, and aren't apt to being in the present moment. so much bores me these days.
church. what is it? just a mere place of worship?i doubt. it seems that most hypocrites are clustered there. i will never understand it. have no interest in going. praying, sometimes i try, it really doesnt help. just dont seem to need the attention from pple there.they annoy me. seriously. wanna escape the wrath of the holy-moleys. omg, if my parents hear that, i can say gdbye to my life.they wld probably ship me off to some convent on a little island. eeks. pious parents, just another one of the hypocritical congregation. great. thank god for giving me sucha hard life. urgh.

ok. last thing. EUNICE!!! mei! hope u had a really really HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!! love ya so much girl!!!, the present may be unconventional, but hope u lyked it...ahaha. kinky babe. wear it for ur lover, so he can attempt to lick the cherries off. ehehe.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

encore - exhausted

ok...update...i am apalled(more like stupefied) at nyjc's drama performance. they aren't the cheena pias i perceived them to be. wowzer. they can act, and talk abt needing contestants for singapore idol?boy can those girls croon away...real good. not only that, the script was quite well written,and to be able to inject humour into a tale of romantic drama, it's truly an art. envious of those who had the opportuiny to be part of that production.it was fantastic, need i say more? joanne, better burn a copy of the vcd for me, it's reallly good. everyone of us should get one. well down on being a bimbotic maiden,and part of the chorus, i cld actually hear ur screams and rants.such a distinguishable voice. heh. plus, that guy,the one who acted as hermes, omg!!!so gay,ok..more like flamboyant,but i have to say, he's real good...so darn good, and he can move his booty lyke j.lo man! rocks. it entirely rocked. ok, so perception of ny has took a drastic turn for the better.one thing's for sure, there are english speaking pple there, who enjoy a good laugh or two, and who put in effort into smthg besides studying. ahaha. okok. enough praises has been sung to them. heck, i dont even lyke the sch, all of the stupid ny pple always crowding the bus stop at my house.

on to today. tired like fuck. went for ijtp pri carnival. god, im totally pooped out. reached there like at 9, and started helping nicole with a sorta aircon cafe thingy. sold tons of stuff, saw tons of pple. eeks...so tiring. exhausting. my back is aching. we actualy went arnd selling snadwiches and cookies, surprisingly, pple bought them,though some did it unwillingly.i tell you, we're such good hagglers. ahhaha. ok.left the place close to 5.30. been on my feet almost the whole day. sheesh. urgh. arriving home, had to get bathed and changed to go for lolo's(paternal grandpa) bday party.arh!! i was dying, my limbs were totally weak. oooh, food glorious food there though. beef,pork,turkey,chicken,fettucine,caesar's salad, it was western night. tons more stuff. yea. okok. i totally wanna get some shut-eye now. toodly-doo.

Saturday, March 13, 2004


yeps, so they finally screened the AMI episode of "hung & friends". freakos. weirdos. bizarros. wtf was up with ventriloquist girl?i wld be creeped out if she were near me. heh. loved the song the fat hawaiian girl made up though.cool shit. and militaty woman rocks...she can sing better than the labelle girl. oh well, some still couldnt sing.they dont get it. once bitten twice shy, tt shld be the way. oh well, everyone is open to suggestions. i guess. AMI is for the media to make money n enjoy a goood laugh(out of the bad singers) and a profit(out of the winners).a win-win situation. excellente.

ok. got all my results back,'cept for my physio(hah,i bettter pass tt if not i might as well deem myself as mentally disabled.).god, 2 fails,1 pass. fuck goddamnit. not exactly upset.actually expected to get 35 for IPC,but managed a 38.ahahaha. all upon 100. *sigh*. maths pretty disappointed. got a 46. well, expected at least a 50. but it's been done with. no one can change that. ok. and *drum roll*, got a 67 for microbio!!! yes,finally smthg i passed, though i didnt know shit abt it.heh.
F.Y.I.!!!--->i am not a science geek!,these subjects are all part and parcel of life as a fucking lousy biotech student. cant wait to leave this fucking hellhole. urgh. ok then.

announcement: tmr joanne wld be performing(as a bimbo) in her cheena pia j.c.'s drama production. heh. bimbo.woo-hoo..way ta go girl!!!! we will support u in wateva crazy thing u do. but then must support me in wateva crazy adventures i embark on too. tit for tat, in a good sorta way.

ok. im exhausted. finally had my secret recipe choc banana cake. yea!!!yummy yummy yummy i got love in my tummy. urgh, and town had an influx of secondary school kids. they were everywhere. swarming.eew. ooooh.....and mambo has a new range of canvas bags again....im all up to get it again.not as nice as the 1st batch i saw...but..my style!!!!urgh!!!!!!have to get it b4 their all gone again. and these lovely shoes: purple pumas(velcro x3), P.O.A. red chinese bamboo pattern shoes, P.O.A. high cut retro pattern shoes(canvas). and tons of clothes!!!!!!!! and of course, most highly anticipated purchases of all time - EARRINGS!!!!!!!!!!!! i fucking love earrings...groovy kinds. wow....yea...looking for ones with zip hooks, or maybe lyke i wanna make apair using my lab coat buttons...since i already have a tiny 3-button pair. woo-hoo. okok. zipping off now. gonna catch cribs n made on mtv....rocks....

Tuesday, March 09, 2004


ok...look..the title of every entry are the light pink bold words before the time and sign off.yeps. this blog is kinda nice. 'cept i dont know how to change the music, though i dont mind the song, used to love it. oh well. wow...me n a pink blog. pink. not exactly my fav colour in the world, but heck, it's smthg different, and nice. like the little moving things that mark each thing at the side. the "<<" sign. ok.

oh..there's a scroll on the opposite side.where the stuff abt me are. think the scroll cant really be seen, but just click arnd and u'll find it. ok then. off to watch smallville. heh. hott.

Monday, March 08, 2004


too much for me to take in. yes, the woes of being a teenager whose parents control ur entire life. what can i saY? i have no say. i have to condone to their every wish.how i wish i could murder them both. my life is miserable when their invovled in it. i only hve $5.05 in my wallet, and it seems that that wld be wad i have to survive on for the week. i need to buy notes, get my ezlink caRd topped up and by dog food,hamster food, and watever.i've nev even asked them for money to go out with. heck. wad the fuck to they want from me? their demands are so high, my productivity is just insufficient. this may some lame, but there's just one of me, and two of them. money. i need it to eat, for trnsport..cant u just give me the transport money at least? if not wad...i got to walk to school?which is lyke a 1000 miles away from home. i just want to cry, but i know if i do, i wld neva stop. ok. i wld stop.wld be tired.no.crying would just be another incentive for my parent to blame me for smthg else. parents. mine dont give me a sense of security at all. in fact, that make me feel fucking insecure. after going through 18yrs of being dominated by the dragons of the east and west, i feel like screaming!!! all that pent up energy,anger,frustration,everything. it's driving me insane. god, i want them to leave me alone.but i dont wanna be standing alone in this battle. u know, i tell everyone that i dont want kids when im married(if i get married.),maybe it's coz, i just dont wanna be the parent that my parents are to me. i know it wld be hell for the child. i dont want anyone to lead such a, i dont know wad to make of it, life like mine. it's not healthy. putting up all the fake smiles, behaving as though im so fucking happy.but, being away from them uplifts my spirits some how. ok. now im victimizing myself once again. but i just feel that maybe there's someone(im sure there is) out there who share the same sentiments, though no one wld be as selfish as wad im gonna say next. when im old n outta here, im not gonna thank my family for anything. no. selfish,but wad can i saY?i know that im a selfish person.i can be generous most of the time, but deep in the ugly disfigured side of my heart, it's just all for me. it's who i am. who i am. who am i? really? oh well. i wldnt thank my parents, yes, tt may be a downfall, but all they wld do is finance my education, but i wld have to do everything else myself. they always think that things r easy for me, they think im goddamn smart, they so dont me. yes im too lazy to study, but im just not cut out to be their much-dreamed about straight A little girl.it just sickens me to think their perceptions overrides reality. bck to myself. all by myself. ok, so now whoever reading this knows wad a bitch i truly am inside. selfish bitch. that's me.


it's march alreadY? hah.